Three and a half years ago, we lost a child.
One week earlier, we had excitedly told our families and friends that we were expecting another blessing from the Lord, but our joy turned to sadness when I started cramping a few days later. An ultrasound confirmed our fears; our tiny baby, just a day shy of 11 weeks old, had no heartbeat.
Our son…or was it a daughter?…was dead, gone, and my body was about to expel the earthly shell it once sustained.
Tears streamed down my face as reality sunk in: we would never meet our child, at least not in this life. We were ultimately comforted to know that his or her soul was with the Lord, and we still yearn for the day we will meet our third child for the first time.
The next few weeks and months afterward were particularly difficult. People didn’t mean to be insensitive, but only a mother who has experienced an early miscarriage knows the pain of hearing remarks that, while meant to lighten the burden of grief, seem to diminish the sacredness of a life that once was.
At least you were only 11 weeks.
I’m sure it would have been harder is you were further along.
If you were further along you would have to go through labor and delivery.
I couldn’t blame them, really. It’s hard to know what to say when there are no words. Miscarriage is a silent and lonely sort of grief. Meals, hugs, and cards were precious gifts that meant a lot to us, while we tried in our own finite way to make sense of it all.
We thought about planting a tree in memory of our Little One, but we didn’t plan on living in our house at the time permanently, so we decided against it. A necklace with what would have been our baby’s birthstone sounded sweet but token, especially since I rarely wear jewelry.
Though nothing can ever replace a child, the most meaningful gift we ever received in regards to our miscarriage arrived in the mail a few weeks ago.
Silent Grief: Hope for Surviving Early Miscarriage by Kendra D. Graber, is a balm for the hurting soul. It is replete with the comforting truths of Scripture and written with the tenderness and deep understanding only a mother who has suffered several early losses of her own can give.
I want to give a copy of Silent Grief to everyone I know who experiences the heartache of early miscarriage.
It answers the questions a mother may have about the experience and acknowledges the preciousness of the life that once was. It tells the sad, but strangely reassuring stories of other mothers who have walked down the same road, reminds of the day when God will wipe away every tear from our eyes and reunite us again, and gives us permission to grieve.
Also included are a list of ways to commemorate the loss of a baby, practical advice for threatened miscarriages, and even suggestions for those helplessly looking on.
There is a way to make it through the heartbreak of losing a tiny human being: it’s in the strength of the Lord, and Silent Grief offers a grieving mother just that.
If you have suffered from an early loss, or know of someone who has, I heartily recommend getting a copy of this small, but powerfully inspiring book. You can purchase it as part of a beautiful gift set that also includes a coordinating bookmark, magnet, and journal through Truth In The Word Publishing ($19.99), or buy the book itself through Amazon (Paperback $7.99; Kindle: $3.03).
Disclosure: I was given a copy of Silent Grief for the purpose of a review. All opinions are 100% my own.